Steph and Doug are well known for their 20 - 30 minute panto style shows. These shows can be performed anywhere and are written for one female and one male but can be performed by two females or two males.
These shows only use hand props and usually involve getting a child up to help.
This can be performed by mum and dad at a childs party or by pre school leaders for an end of term treat.
Steph and Doug do not stick rigidly to the script as they adapt it to suit the children in the audience.
The children usually sit in a circle on the floor in front of Steph and Doug.
The pirate script needs a sword and shield for a child to use plus a ships steering wheel (plastic ones are available from party shops), a toy parrot, a map and a pirates chest.
All of the scripts involve the children making a noise and these sounds are explained at the beginning of each show. Thereafter the words are underlined when the sound is needed.
Children in the South of England love the Pirate story so we hope that children all over the world get as much fun out of it.
Captain - Ahoy, me shipmates. Are you all having a nice time? Let me introduce myself. My name is Captain Shivermyfingers - don't laugh, it's not funny.
Bea - Hello everyone. Now before we go any further we need to make sure you can all shout loud enough to help us with our story. Can you all shout loudly?
No sorry, I can't hear you, can you all shout loudly?
Children shout again.
Captain- That's rubbish! I said 'can you all shout loudly?' Children shout again That's better, now we need to teach you the sound effects for our story.
Bea - The first one. Whenever you hear us say the word 'running', you need to put your hands on your knees and pat them up and down to make a noise. Ready? - 'Running'. Very good.
The next one is really easy. When we say 'suddenly' can you put your arms in the air and wave them about while making a silly noise?
Captain - I'll do the last one. When I say 'a-hoy' put your fist in the air like this (Puts fist in the air) and shout 'a-hoy' after me.
Bea - Okay, Captain, let's have a practise. We'll start off really slowly and get faster and faster to see if you can keep up. Ready...
Captain - Running, Suddenly, A-hoy (practise about 5 times)
Bea - Very good, give yourselves a big clap. On with the story.
Captain - Let me tell you all about me. I'm Captain Shivermefingers (children wave fingers) and I'm the bravest and most handsome pirate you'll ever meet.
Bea - Oh no you're not (get children to join in).
Captain - Oh yes I am
Bea - Oh no you're not
Repeat this a few times
Captain - Anyway, I'm a pirate and we love treasure, don't we everyone?
Children should shout 'yes'
Well Bea and I live in Pirate Land and Bea had a treasure map and the treasure map was of Gold Island where all the gold and treasure were waiting for us. A-hoy! But living on Pirate Island with us was a horrible mean King.
Bea Everyone go 'Boo' and as he was really stinky as well you can all say 'poo' (Wave hand in front of face as though getting rid of a nasty smell)
Captain - That's right. He was so mean that whenever it was anybodys birthday or if it was Christmas he would take all of their presents away. Come on say 'BOO'. But we won't let the King get the treasure map will we?
Children answer 'no'
Captain - One night it was very cold and dark outside.
Bea - It was. Can you all shiver like this (shiver and the children will copy you).
No. It was even colder than that and I was very tired. Can you all stretch and yawn. Let's see who can snore the loudest? Very good .
(While Bea is saying this, Captain is stretching and yawning as well, then pretends to be asleep and snores very loudly.)
Hang on, hang on, look, everyone. The Captain's gone to sleep! Do you think he's a great big lazy bones? Yes
and do you think we should wake him up? Yes.
Right, we'll count to three and then in your loudest voices shout out 'wake up Captain'. Ready, let's count together, 1, 2, 3 'Wake up Captain'.
Bea walks over to Captain to see if he's awake
He's still asleep, let's try again, but this time even louder. Ready, 1,2,3, 'Wake Up Captain'.
Captain - Wakes up with a jump. - Oh I wasn't asleep, was I? (Bea and Children reply - Yes you were)Oh dear, I am sorry. Well Suddenly(Children, Bea and Captain do correct movement) Pirate Bea started to stretch and yawn and she fell asleep (Bea sleeps quietly) and as she was sleeping the King and all his guards came running into the house, picked up the treasure map and went running back to the castle. (Pirate Bea wakes up and looks around but can't see the map.)
Bea - Oh no, the map's gone!
Captain - I know (he prestends to cry) now we'll never get the treasure. Cries again
Bea - Oh dear, do you think he's a big baby?Yes
Captain, don't cry because I've just had a good idea.
Captain - What you!
Bea - Yes me. Why don't we go on an adventure to get the treasure map back?
Captain - Oh, I don't know Bea. What do you think everyone? (Bea encourages the children to say Yes) Can you all be brave enough to come with us? (Yes) Well, that's settled. The very next day we got up very early to make it to the Kings Castle.
Bea - And remember he's very stinky - Poo
Captain - We were walking and talking for ages, when suddenly I remembered that to get to the Kings Castle we had to go through (Captain pretends to be scared, his voice is a little shakey, hands over his head) the dark and scary wood.
Bea - Whoah, hang on there Captain. You told me earlier that you were a really brave Captain, but I think you're a great big scaredy cat! Do you think he is? Yes
Captain - Oh no I'm not
Bea (with children) - Oh yes you are.
Captain - I'm not scared. I'll show you all how brave I can be. After the count of 3 I'm going to make a really scary noise to frighten all of you and you'll be so scared that you'll be shivering in your bones! and you won't laugh at all. Ready, 1, 2,3 - Makes a really funny - not scary - noise.
Bea - (With children, Laughs)
Captain - Stop laughing. Was that not scary? NO Okay. I'll do it again. Ready, 1,2,3, (Makes an even funnier sound and a funny face.)
Bea - (With children, Laughs)
Captain - Stop laughing - I said stop laughing. I'm going to have a great pirate sulk now.
Bea - Oh alright, don't sulk Captain. Why don't we see just how brave you really are.
Captain - How do we do that?
Bea - I'm going to count to 3 and then all the boys and girls are going to make a scary noise at you, like a ghost noise or a big scary dragon and as well as that we're going to make scary faces at you, can you all do that everyone?Yes
Captain - I won't be scared.
Bea - Right, then let's count together, 1,2,3 (all children make a noise and a scary face. Bea looks at Captain to see if he's frightened)
Oh no, he's not frightened, that means we'll have to do it again but this time be even scarier, 1,2,3, (Noises and faces again. This time the Captain is crying and sucking his thumb. Pirate Bea and the children laugh)
Captain - Alright, maybe I was scared just a little bit, but I've just realised that we've arrived at the Kings Castle, everyone shout 'hooray'.
Bea - So we all went running up to the door and knocked on it.
Captain - Ready, after 3,1,2,3, knock, knock, knock. He's not in. Perhaps we should all go home and watch Eastenders! (UK nightly Soap opera). Captain starts to walk away and Bea goes after him.
Bea - No, come back, you big wimp. (Pulls him back.) Let's knock a bit louder.1,2,3, Knock, knock, knock. Slowly the door opened with a Creaking noise. Come on everyone ( They all make a creaking noise and pretend to open a door).
Captain - We're here - A-hoy so we went running all the way up the stairs to the Kings bedroom. I can smell him from here. Poo. But when we got to the door the King wasn't asleep, he was on his bed doing some knitting! I know, why don't we sing, in a beautiful singing voice, and he'll fall asleep and then we can grab the map.
Bea - Good idea. We're ready.
Captain - ( Starts to sing, really badly, out of tine and wrong words. ) Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream....
Bea - ( Gets all the children to boo)
Captain - What's the matter?
Bea - That was rubbish!
Captain - I see, so you all think you can do better than me? (Yes) Okay, well if you sing the song and the King falls asleep, I'll believe you.
Bea - Let's sing it together. (With Children) Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily .........(When finished) Hooray! You've done it, he's falling asleep. Can you all stretch and yawn?
Captain - Well done. Once he was asleep I crept in and grabbed the map and went running all the way back home, through the door, through the scary wood and past my ship - the Jolly Rancher. Phew, (Rubs head while saying phew) Come on, all together, Phew.
Bea - Captain, now that we have the map we can go to Gold Island and get the treasure.
Captain - What! You mean that you all want some of the treasure?Yes. Well, okay, seeing as you were so brave, I think I've got room for you on my ship.
Bea - We jumped on The Jolly Rancher and set sail.
Captain - (Pretends to hold the steering wheel of the ship abd leans right , then left, then right, then left and gets the children to copy, gettig faster and faster. ) Oh, Bea, I can see an island.
Bea - Is it Gold Island?
Captain - Um, no. According to the map it's not God Island, it's Sweetie Island. Yay!
Bea - (With Children) Hooray, we all love sweets, don't we?
Captain - So we jumped of the ship and onto the island and suddenly all the sweetie people came out from their sweetie houses looking really sad. Ahhh, come on , ahhhh. They said that a big scary dragon had come and taken all their sweets (Captain begins to cry). Now I'll never get my treasure.
Bea - Don't cry. Come on everyone, say it with me. Don't cry - even louder, don't cry, because we can go back to the ship and find Gold Island.
Captain - Hooray, I'm happy now. So we jumped back on the Jolly Rancher. I checked the map (Pick it up and look at it) and we set sail again. (Repeat left lean, right lean etc.). Errr - I feel sick now.
Bea - That's disgusting.
Captain - Well don't worry, I managed to hold it in because look Bea I've spotted another Island.
Bea - About time Captain, it must be Gold Island.
Captain - Oh no, no, no, it's Dragon Island.
Bea - Dragon Island! You mean thee will be actual scary big dragons on Dragon Island.
Captain - I'm guessing that's pobably right! Oh, I've just had a thought. Where there's dragons there's dragon eggs and dragon eggs are golden and pirates love Gold! Hooray, at last I get my treasure.
Bea - But to help us we are going to need a brave pirate. Put your hand up if you're brave enough.
(Pick a child who wants to come up, give them a shield and a sword and tell them to act along with what the Captain says.)
Captain - Our new brave pirate is called Pirate Pete. ( Find out childs name) Everyone wave and say 'hello pirate ........' . The pirate tip-toed into the cave, he turned around and saw the golden eggs. So very quietly he went running towards it, but he hadn't noticed the dragon fast asleep in the corner. He picked up the golden Egg, turned around to run back to the ship, when he heard a loud ROAR. Who can make a loud Roaring sound? Even louder. So still clutching the egg he went running as fast as his pirate legs would carry him all the way back to the ship.
Bea - Hooray. he's done it. Come on everyone, Hooray, let's give him a a big round of applause to say thank you. (take shield and sword back - unless you're letting him keep them as a present - and get him to sit down again.)
Captain - Then suddenly the egg started to crack, it wasn't a golden egg after all. There's something in there - can anyone guess what it is? (Get children to shout out) It was a baby Dragon
Bea - Abandon Ship, abandon ship. We all jumped into the sea with a great big splash. Come on lets have a big Spash.Pretend to splash into the water
Captain - I think we'd better start swimming. get the children to use their arms - breast stroke - to pretend to be swimming
Bea - Let's see who can swim the fastest.
Captain - I can.
Bea - Oh no you can't
Captain - Oh yes I can.
Bea - Oh no you can't
Captain - We met lots of animals in the sea. Bea tell them who we met.
Bea - We met a frog, what noise does a frog make? (children reply croak, croak) Very good, We met a duck, what noise does a duck make? (Quack, quack)
Captain - I'm very good at those, probably the best here.
Bea - Alright, if you think you're so good, you can do the last one by yourself.
Captain - And if I'm really good you have to clap and cheer me.
Bea - but if you're wrong we're going to boo you. What noise does a crocodile make?
Captain - moo, moo, moo, moo.
Bea and children - Boo, boo, boo. That's not right.
Captain - Well, okay smarty pants, what noise does a crocodile make?
Bea - It goes 'snap' children join in snap, snap, snap.
Captain - Maybe I got it wrong but we're on another island now, guess which one?
Bea - Gold Island?
Captain - Yes, Hooray! but I've left my glasses on the ship so can you read the map for me Bea?
Bea - Of course (reading map). To find the treasure we have too look for the cross and it says here that you need to walk forward 5 steps.
Captain - (Ready to walk) 1, 2,, 3, 4, 90.
Bea - That's not right - do it again
Captain - 1, 2, 3, 4, 100
Bea - No, we'll count for you. Ready, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 , there you go, Now it says you need to spin round like a pretty pink ballerina.(Captain not happy but he spins), Then if you look down, the treasure should be there.
Captain - Will you all help me dig. ( Children pretend ot dig and Captain finds a treasure chest). We've done it, look there's gold inside it. Hooray, we're rich, hooray, hooray. Captain does a silly dance
Bea But suddenly we saw a ship sailing towards us, it was the King. He told us that he wanted our treasure and that he was going to leave us on the island.
Captain - Just then, Polly my Parrot, flew down and pecked the stinky old King on the bottom. The King fell into the sea for ever. Hooray! We sailed back to the pirate land with all our treasure and all the pirates were happy because the King had gone for ever. Hooray!!