How to have a conversation

After years of teaching people to overcome their fear of having a conversation I think there are 9 levels of Speaking Anxiety ranging from no anxiety at all to acute anxiety. These 9 levels are:

• Level 1 - No Anxiety. Willing and able to speak to anyone, anywhere including Public Speaking in front of large groups.
• Level 2 - Able to speak to anyone and will speak to small groups when confident about the topic. An example of this is a teacher talking in front of a class.
• Level 3 - Able to speak to people you know plus strangers in any situation. Strangers you might meet on a bus, train, party etc where you have to speak for an unlimited amount of time - you can't easily get away.
• Level 4 - Can speak to most people, but very uncomfortable using the phone when speaking to strangers.
• Level 5 - Can speak to people you know plus strangers when only a few sentences are required. Examples are speaking to shop assistants, receptionists etc.
• Level 6 - You can speak to family, friends, work colleagues and bosses and teachers - or other people in authority.
• Level 7 - Will speak to family, friends and work colleagues.
• Level 8 - Will only speak to family and close friends.
• Level 9 - Acute Anxiety. Only comfortable speaking to family.

Most of us fall in the middle from level 5 to level 3 and can manage our level of speaking anxiety quite well at this level.

However sometimes a change in job or family circumstances may mean we need to move from one level to another level.

Some people are just naturally quiet but are confident enough to be able to speak when they have to.

Other people are very shy and think that they're going to somehow make a fool of themselves if they speak.

Others think that they sound strange, they imagine they've got a speech impediment when they haven't. This could be the result of being teased when they were younger.

Some people do actually have a speech impediment (lisp, stammer etc) and feel awkward when speaking to people they don't know.

My online 'How to have a conversation' course

Speaking anxiety and inparticular the seemingly inability to be able to convers with other people in all sorts of situations can make life a lot more difficult than it needs to be. 

Luckily confident speaking is a skill which can be learned. Some people are just naturally quiet but are confident enough to be able to speak when they have to. Other people are very shy and think that they're going to somehow make a fool of themselves if they speak. Others think that they sound strange, they imagine they've got a speech impediment when they haven't.

Having a conversation should always be fun. Think back to a time when you've been busy chatting to a friend and then suddenly realised you've been talking for 2 hours!

This course will show you how to feel confident when you are speaking and will give you some ideas for questions to ask or comments to make to get a conversation going or to keep a conversation going.

I know how you feel, when I was about ten, my school had a parents evening - you know the type of thing - the parents go along and chat to the teachers to find out how their children are getting on. I remember my teacher well - he was young and not very chatty. During the course of the conversation with my mum, he told her that I seemed happy enough but that he couldn't remember speaking to me during the year! I hated having to speak to people – I was fine with my family and best friends but that was it! 

I was sent to elocution lessons to give me confidence when speaking and I later qualified as a teacher to the highest level. I have had to learn how to converse and now people may say that I sometimes talk too much!

Click here to enrol

'She explained everything professionally well and honest she gave very good useful tips and has this unique charm and engaging voice that soothes my fears of always being afraid to speak to others because they might judge me and she was thoroughly precise and to the point and she gave quite a lot of useful longevity tips for everyday use. IMPRESSIVE 5 STARS!!' - Laurie

How to overcome speaking anxiety and have a conversation